The Worst Serial Killer

[The following text is a transcript of an audio recording, found in an abandoned residence believed to be a hiding place of Gretchen Lowell. Voice recognition experts are divided as to the authenticity of the voice as Gretchen Lowell's. If it is a true document, it is an amazing look into the mind of Gretchen Lowell, who has maintained a profound public silence. If it is a fake, it is a remarkable act of mimicry. We make no claim for the authenticity of this transcript, but offer it in the spirit of trying to understand the worst serial killer America has ever known. Eds.]
Darling, you have so many questions about me. It's charming. Of course, I can't answer them all. For obvious reasons. But your curiosity is so overwhelming. You can't get enough of me, can you?  I sympathize with you, I really do. But I really don't want anyone to know anything about me. Not even my name. Is it real? You will never now if I have anything to do about it.  As far as you are concerned, I come from nothing, I'm simply a terrifying force of nature. I rather like being mysterious, unknown, enigmatic, unpredictable. It adds to my control. And I like being uncatchable – by you in your ... portrait, or by anyone else.

Why do I like to kill? That's a big question. And I don't really think about it. I am not a philosopher, I am a woman of action. But I will tell you this. Here's what I do. I find a victim. I enter their world and disrupt it. I control it. Here they are, living their lives in blithe ignorance of the terror that is just a small disruption away. I am that disruption. I descend upon them and turn their lives upside down. They will never be the same – if they survive. If they do, I control them for the rest of their lives. I understand people, more than you realize. But I don't dwell on them. They are, well, toys. Dolls. Playthings. Experiments. Your helpless confined body is my plaything And it cannot have a good end for you. I have planned it not to have a good end for you.

Is it the planning or the execution that excites me? Maybe. Well, no one else can experience what I experience. And I am not sure that excitement is the word. Calm is more like it. My aphrodisiacs are blood, penetration, power, control, but of myself as well as others. I am worse than you could ever possibly think, especially when I let my imagination go.

I am not conscious of always being in control, no, I just am, that's all. I am not as reflective as you seem to want me to be. I have no time for it. I have to make sure that there are no unknown quantities, no X-factors that will trip me up. So I am thinking all the time. And I always think 10 moves ahead of everyone else ... I have to, in order to survive. So I am a student of serial killers. I will never make the same mistakes as my predecessors. All of them men, of course. But I can control almost anyone, invade their mind and take it over as I invade their bodies and destroy them. I can even dominate from afar, with  a phone call, a text message, and those men do my bidding. Yes, I have killed a lot of people, but some of them through proxies, because of my ability to control others. I hypnotize you, like a vampire.
 
Do I enjoy my power over people, over me, over you? Am I aware of it? Don't underestimate my indifference, but I do want your submission. But I have no particular need for it. Was I ever submissive? I'm not even sure I understand that question, but certainly I was not, and never will be – especially if I look like I am. But that's a secret, darling, don't tell anyone.

What do I believe in? Hmmmm. What am I really against? Interesting. I just don't think about those things. I have no philosophy, no beliefs. Or at least none that I want to share with you right now. No, wait. I do have a belief. Withholding is better than giving. The more I withhold the more you want it, even if it is pain and death.